Moving On and a recipe

I have successfully made it through all the emotionally challenging dates of this season.  The anniversary of each of the deaths of loved ones, the gut-wrenching loneliness of certain key dates - all have now passed and I'm still here.  I'm not sure how gracefully I managed the tough days but at least I didn't ruin any friendships by saying hurtful things and I got through them without much whining.  I could have done a better job of healthy eating but I didn't develop any new bad habits either. 

So there's that.

The one thing I consciously tried to do during this hard spell was to be of service whenever an opportunity presented itself. I played the music for church and for a funeral. I did some sewing for a friend.  I invited several people to dinner who were facing their own challenges.  That was interesting because of those I invited, two of them never even bothered to respond.  One was understandable but the other one was a puzzle.  I guess it wasn't the right time for her.  I did have a nice meal and evening out with one of my stepdaughters and her friend last week.  We had a good time and great conversation.  I appreciate that they still keep me in their lives.

Yesterday was the first anniversary of  Isaac's death and I sent messages of love and support to his family.  It was good to hear back from most of them, especially his dad who struggles with the magnitude of losing his only son.  He and I seem to have a mutual support system because we both are left with just one living child.  Others may say they can't imagine how we must feel, but Jim speaks often of my loss being like his.

I hosted a dinner party last night for a good friend whose husband has taken a new job in another state.  I tried really hard to keep it an upbeat evening, but when she stopped by this morning to leave something here for safekeeping, I wept when we said goodbye.  She has become like another daughter to me and I will really miss her and her sons.

I've been taking T'ai Chi since April and can feel the physical benefits but have decided that it isn't worth the frustration.  Trying to hear in a large room when I frequently cannot see the teacher's mouth to lip-read her instructions left me feeling handicapped and uncomfortable.  Mostly I would watch the clock and wonder when I could leave.  I learned more of her instructions in a 5-minute video clip on TV than I ever heard in class.  I am not deaf but I can understand how isolating that must be.

After hurting my shoulder and arm trying to maintain this yard I decided to hire a lawn service.  It was a great decision.  Two men come every 10-14 days, mow the front and back, edge everything and clean it up.  It is worth the price and allows me to use my energy in other detail work.  I wonder how long I can convince them to come in the fall and deal with the leaves??  That would be great!

I know I have some OCD issues and one is the need to know in advance how to handle taking food someplace.  Several years ago I bought a stack of 30 aluminum half-size (9x12) steamer pans.  Each time I agreed to take food to someone I would plan on making a casserole or dessert or vegetables that would fit in one of those pans.  It has helped me to not be concerned about last-minute scrambling for containers or worrying about getting containers back.  I probably used most of them to take vegetables for 25 each time our ward was responsible for feeding the homeless.  I am now on my second stack of the pans and this time I bought a stack of the lids to go with them. 

This week I was supposed to take a dessert for a funeral.  My favorite dessert for anyone is a citrus Bundt cake with lemon glaze - looks nice and tastes even better.  The last time I made one I just borrowed a round serving plate from the church and put a note on it that the plate was to stay at the church afterwards.  But I didn't feel like going over to the church to find another serving plate nor did I want to drive to the dollar store to buy one.  So I decided to make a cobbler in one of the 9x12 pans.  I thought about making a strawberry rhubarb cobbler but my fresh strawberries were all ruined (long story for another time), and I had more blackberries in the freezer.  I don't really like the blackberry cobbler recipes I have made in the past so I decided to create my own.  I didn't actually get to sample it when it came out of the oven, but the juice that bubbled up on the edge had to be "cleaned off" so I did sample that.  It was delicious!  I can't wait to try making one that I will get to eat.  With ice cream, like the very first time Neal bought one to share with me at Mount St Helens.

(Not the one I made Tuesday)

Here's the new recipe: 

Joan’s Blackberry Cobbler

2 or more cups of blackberries

1 C sugar

1 pkg cherry jello

1 white cake mix, dry

1 1/4 C water

1/2 C margarine, melted 

Place blackberries in a greased 9x12 pan.  Mix sugar and jello and sprinkle over the berries.  Spoon dry cake mix over the top, then carefully add water and melted margarine.  Bake at 350 for one hour.  Refrigerate leftovers.