Stress and Reactions

Last Tuesday Julia learned she has a third type of cancer – but all three are basically the original (non-smokers) lung cancer which then spread to her bones and now to her torso. Other information this week: She is anemic as a result of all the poisons from the daily chemo and radiation. When she learned of the third type of cancer, she had a panic attack, her heart rate went up to 225, and she was at the hospital for several hours that evening while they stabilized her heart. Last Friday the school called her husband to tell him she was having difficulty breathing. He took her to the hospital where they admitted her. They discovered but are unable to dissolve the small pulmonary embolism they found because she is too anemic. Friday night they implanted a "filter" to catch the blood clots that are forming - a result of the new cancer. She is on oxygen and receiving platelets and red blood cells in an effort to strengthen her body. They have discontinued all cancer treatment because her body is too weak to tolerate it.
However they can't delay treatment too long or the cancer will spread, so the "break" is probably for only two or three weeks. It appears that her cancer may have become chemo-resistant – nothing they have tried in the past year has been successful. She has been receiving chemo for 18 months.

Obviously all of us are stressed. It's interesting how people - in an attempt to provide comfort - make such different comments. Many (too many) insist that I need to drop everything (ie, caring for my husband) and get on the next plane to Reno. They do NOT understand what caregiving entails and why it is not that simple. Others say such sweet comforting things. Then there is a third group. Today one person said to me, "Does she have Do Not Resuscitate instructions?" I looked at her and said, "I don't know, and that is a VERY RUDE QUESTION." I mean - what????? I really wanted to say more than that, but there was no point. To her credit, she did find me later and extend an apology, but honestly I still feel resentment. I didn't want to think about that.

I had followed a friend's suggestions and poked mothballs in many places in my yard - supposedly that would discourage moles and they'd go away. Apparently that works in places with less rain, but here in the Pacific Northwest, mothballs don't last long, and yesterday morning I found TEN fresh piles of dirt, evidence that a little critter had returned. I have two traps left here by a neighbor who said he'd come over and set them if I found any evidence of moles. Naturally that neighbor is out of town for several weeks - they are visiting China. But, Neal's friend Chris showed up about an hour later, and he knew how to set the trap. He put one in the ground and by last evening it had sprung, and the invader was dead. I am relieved.

Neal and Chris and I went down to the shooting range yesterday to do some target practice. I am really out of practice with the 22 revolver, but doing better with my Glock 9mm. Neal has a new 380 and it is fun to shoot as well.

Today I played a piano solo in Relief Society - "Secret Prayer." I was a little rattled because of the phone call to Julia before church, so it wasn't as smooth as I had wanted - and the piano was out of tune - but it went all right, and brought the Spirit into RS.

Julia told me that she just received a beautiful quilt from my sister. It is red and white and all the blocks tell the story of making the quilt. Julia was so pleased - especially since Julia knows the amount of work that would go into making it, and I'm touched that Judy would take the time to do that for her. It is great for in the hospital - will help keep Julia comfortable.