Sleep. That is all I want to do lately. I get up at 5 each morning, help Neal get ready for work, fix his breakfast, move my car out of the garage so the ramp on the van can be lowered, pack his lunch, and see him safely into the van and off to Boeing about 6:30. And then - I go back to bed. I close my eyes and generally sleep until 9 or 10. Then I have to force myself to do anything, and by 1pm, I'm looking at the couch and considering the possiblity of a nap. When Neal comes home at 3:30, he usually has to lie down for awhile to elevate his legs........and I frequently lie down next to him and fall asleep again. I don't accomplish much each day - if I do one or two things on my list of tasks, I consider it a good day.
I don't think I'm sleep-deprived, so this must be depression. I've never had it before, but I just don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything - and have to force myself to make phone calls.
Today I called the temple to put the daughter of a friend on the prayer roll. Yesterday E learned that her daughter had a bad mammogram and other tests, and is scheduled for a biopsy next week. Because of Julia, my friend is in a panic about her daughter - especially since this has happened so soon after we lost Julia. I was just sick and felt helpless to be any support right now. But then the Lord provided one of His tender mercies........my friend had a call from her sister-in-law who worked for an oncologist, and she had lots of information to calm her. I am grateful too - the thought of a dear friend going through this heartache is almost too much to comprehend.
Where was I? I called the temple for the daughter, but I also added Anne and Brent and Neal and I.........I think we all need a few blessings right now. I should put Carl's name on the prayer roll, but I never think of him when I call the temple.
Rondel is coming! She is converting to Judaism, and has to come here for the ceremonial mikvah and interviews by three rabbis. We will pick her up at the airport, bring her here for dinner, and then take her to her hotel in Seattle. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, although I have mixed feelings about her conversion. I feel like I have failed her in some way - if she was looking for a different religion, why is it not our religion? I know we have talked often about our beliefs.
So I feel down.....and struggle with daily responsibilities. I suspect this is what the counselor at LDS Family Services referred to as Situational Depression, and I am hopeful that it will improve. But my inner therapist whispers that I am entitled:
2005- Neal had an aortic dissection and was hospitalized for months, before he came home to life as a paraplegic
2006- Julia was diagnosed with Non-Smoker's Lung Cancer
2007- Anne Marie was divorced and the following month had to give up Elysiana
2008- Julia's cancer spread and took her life
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