Who is in charge of this marathon?

I Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

I'm beginning to think that this concept of seeing through the glass darkly is the reason for my on-going headache. Or maybe it's just Life. Neal calls it the Refiner's Fire, but how much more must be burned out before the refining process is finished? I only know that this year has nearly overwhelmed me.

I woke up early this morning (thanks to the neighbor whose car muffler doesn't muffle) and realized that an important deadline had been overlooked. Went visiting teaching with my partner this morning, then hurried home to help Neal get ready for a job interview up in Fremont. He left, then I went to get a massage. She is good, really helps my sore (stressed-out) muscles, but it isn't a soothing spa-type experience, more like being at physical therapy. Came home, went with Neal to pick up his glasses and then explore the newly revamped Southcenter Mall. While we were there my cell phone rang. It was my daughter calling - and I felt stunned that she was seeking answers about decisions that I think should be more in the future than ten months after a divorce. I missed calling Julia to get her opinion, and wished for my mom to be here to give me advice. We left the mall, got in the van and were HIT by a car that backed out at the same time we did. Amazingly, neither vehicle sustained serious damage, but I was shaking - what if they had hit hard enough that the ramp door wouldn't open and Neal was stuck inside the van? (Yeah I know - I worry about what doesn't happen too.) Neal said, "Let's go have soup and breadsticks at Olive Garden" so we did. A quiet table, some nourishment, a few carbs and I felt better, but I was chilled, whether shock or the weather, I don't know. Back at home I curled up on the couch and slept until 8:30.

I just wish I didn't have such a feeling of helplessness about my life. I don't feel like I have any control, and even though that may be true, there is a part of me that just wants to hide in a cave and not talk to anyone. Maybe if I do that there won't be any more challenges to face.