Not Alone on This Path

Yesterday a casual comment from a sister in the ward made me realize that we have something in common. She said that during the night she reaches over to see if her husband is still breathing, and I was suddenly hit with the awareness that I wasn't the only one who did that. Since my husband has been so ill lately, I don't sleep through the night...I wake up repeatedly to check on him, to make sure he is breathing normally. When his breathing changes, I have to check on him. Does that mean I'm not getting enough sleep? Exactly. I'm sure it explains why if I sit on the couch, I immediately fall asleep.
Tests were run last week which indicated an increase in BNP levels, so his congestive heart failure has become a major factor now. The primary care doctor even contacted the cardiologist's office and moved Neal's appointment up to tomorrow. I'll be relieved when Dr L. can examine Neal because I suspect there will be a decision made about surgery. Both of us feel that it can't be postponed any longer. But we dread it because opening his chest for the surgery will mean that Neal loses the use of his arms for 12 weeks....so he'll be unable to sit up alone or transfer into his wheelchair or anything like that until his chest heals enough that he can lift himself. And if he can't lift himself to do those simple things, he will have to be in a hospital where they can take care of him. The last time he had surgery he was hospitalized for 5 months, suffered from lack of nutrition, got an infected decubis (resulting in several surgeries, multiple transfusions and a wound which didn't close until two and a half years later!) and then he contracted MRSA. We hate the risk of him being in a hospital, but don't think this can be postponed much longer. We are supposed to be at LDS Employment today but after him not falling asleep until 6:30 this morning, there was no way we could do that. So I'm on plan B, but my options are limited because I can't do anything noisy and I can't run errands because I don't dare leave him alone.
But I feel like I'm not alone with this challenge now that I know another sister shares the same fears about her sweet husband.