Expectations

There are certain events which involve others.  For example, on a birthday or other holiday people send cards or gifts.
Expectations become stronger when it develops into a tradition, for example, thanking someone following the release from a church or civic calling - publicly expressing gratitude for service rendered.   When I retired from the school district, I received gifts and cards.  After being released after four years as the stake RS president the framed picture I was given is a treasure, in part because of the dear sister who delivered it.
But when those events are overlooked, it is easy to feel let down, to feel disappointed that others haven't done or said what we thought they would.  It doesn't matter if it is failure to acknowledge one's efforts in a calling or looking in an empty mailbox hoping something has arrived.  Think about Mother's Day at church - people would be shocked if there were no plants or flowers or something to honor the women on that day.  It's tradition.  It's not policy, it varies from town to town, and sometimes it even causes a few recipients to complain: "Why do they give me a plant when I have nowhere to plant it?"  But there would be more complaints if they received nothing at all.
I've pondered this today because it's been another strange holiday with my husband lying in bed in a care facility.  He couldn't order flowers or buy me a gift or take me to dinner, and I didn't expect him to do anything - our celebration was private and tender.  There were no unmet expectations from him.  But the holiday felt incomplete especially when I returned to this empty house tonight. 
Sometimes we project our unmet expectations onto others.  We feel they should do certain things for certain events, and when they don't we feel let down. 
The fact is we can't control how others choose to act.  If they don't send cards or don't say thank you or seem indifferent to our feelings, we can't do anything about  their actions.  We don't have that power.  What we do have is the power to change our own expectations and not judge others if they don't do what we expected.
Ahah! moment here.  I wonder if our disappointment under such circumstances is a little akin to how Heavenly Father views us.  When we should have done certain things, expressed gratitude or served others but we failed to do so, we have let Him down.  Perhaps He feels disappointment that we aren't learning the lessons we should.  But He doesn't resent us, even when we don't thank Him.  Instead He allows us to act according to our agency, and gives us our mortal lives to learn to be more Christlike.
I did receive a gift today - two sweet young women from the ward brought me brownies.  It was unexpected and delightful.