On Saturday February 26, 2011 my sweet husband went Home. Tomorrow will be February 26th but it was actually a Saturday when he passed away so today feels like the year has ended. In some ways it feels like a very short time since Neal died, but in other ways it feels like forever since I held his hand and heard his voice. At times I miss him so much that breathing is difficult.
I bought yellow mums to take to the cemetery this morning. They weren't the flowers I wanted but they were the closest I could find. After I bought them I realized that they were the same color as the flowers on his casket, and that made me cry. So I wept all the way to the cemetery, wept when I placed the flowers in front of the crypt, wept while I stood there lost in a rush of thoughts, and wept when I left.
I've been told that it is important to be kind to myself during the grief and healing process so I've decided that this weekend isn't a time to worry about maintaining composure. If I need to cry I will. If I don't feel like answering the phone or the door I won't. I have a couple of things I must do tomorrow so I will try to accomplish those with a little dignity.
But I'm not making any promises.
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