1) We were newlyweds and moved into our new ward where we lived for a year. Each Sunday we were greeted by several people, that summer we attended two ward parties, and we tried to fit in. At the ward picnic on the 24th of July my husband offered to cut the watermelons for everyone as a way to help, but I remember distinctly that there were people at the picnic who would not respond when we spoke to them. It felt like we hadn't been accepted and weren't really part of the group.
2) We attended a different ward one Sunday and a Relief Society chorus was supposed to sing. When it was time for all the women to go up for that musical number a woman across the aisle from us stood up, walked over to me and plopped her beautiful baby on my lap. Tears filled my eyes that she trusted me, a stranger, with her precious child. I felt welcome in their midst. After the meeting we introduced ourselves and learned she had a similar background to that of my husband. A few weeks later I was playing the organ at the temple and noticed a woman who had been in church the previous Sunday. After the temple session we talked briefly and the next week she invited me to ride with her to the temple. In hindsight I realize I should have reciprocated and offered to drive the following week but I was still terrified of driving and it didn't occur to me. Later we felt welcomed when another couple invited us to dinner at their home. There were three couples that day and we formed a long-lasting friendship with all of them. By the time we'd been in the ward for a few weeks I had a calling and felt needed. My husband had only begun attending church when we were married and he was still "on the fringe." The high priest leadership dropped by one evening and Neal was rather cool because their visit was unannounced. Shortly after that one of the men made an appointment to home teach and came with a lesson he had especially prepared for Neal based on a comment he had made about liking to fish. I was touched that he had made the effort to reach out to Neal in that way, rather than just teaching a basic gospel principle.
3) We need to reach out beyond our immediate circle and be careful not to exclude others as we socialize. Last winter there was a pre-school play group at the church on Thursday mornings. Since Dreygan was not old enough for kindergarten we thought it would be fun for him to go to the church and make some new friends. I took him a few times but it felt terribly awkward. I mentioned my concerns to my daughter and when she had a Thursday morning off work she took her son, and observed the same thing. Each week there was a large group of women from one ward and only a few others. The large group put their chairs in a circle so they could chat and they spoke only to each other. The few outsiders were tolerated at best and their children were treated a little differently. When I needed to ask a question about a certain toy, they answered briefly and then went back to their own group interactions. It was not a welcoming environment and we never went back.
So what's the secret to helping others feel part of a group? I believe it is including the individual in various ways, not just shaking hands and saying hello on Sundays. It takes more effort than that, but it is worth it if we want to be Christlike.
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